How do I stop being a perfectionist?

I'm sure some of my friends would be surprised to hear that I have, and to a degree, still do have, a perfectionist streak in me.

The Wikipedia definition of 'perfectionism' is:

Perfectionism is a personality trait characterised by a person's striving for flawlessness, setting excessively high performance standards, accompanied by overly critical self-evaluations and concerns regarding peoples expectations. It is best conceptualized as a multidimensional characteristic, as psychologists agree that there are many positive and negative aspects. In its maladaptive form, perfectionism drives people to attempt to achieve an unattainable ideal, and their adaptive perfectionism can sometimes motivate them to reach their goals. In the end, they derive pleasure from doing so. When perfectionists do not reach their goals, they often fall into depression.

Perfectionists strain compulsively and unceasingly toward unobtainable goals, and measure their self-worth by productivity and accomplishment. Pressuring oneself to achieve unrealistic goals inevitably sets the person up for disappointment.

Perfectionists tend to be harsh critics of themselves when they fail to meet their standards.

In the past I strived for perfection to the point that everything I did simply wasn't perfect enough, I wasn't good enough. The more I strived for this ideal of "perfect" the less perfect I became. I blamed myself for everything that went wrong, it was all my fault. The pressure was immense and I could never ever live up to it - nothing I did was right.

Alongside this came the "shoulds" I should have done this differently, I would analyse everything I did and believed I should have done pretty much everything differently. At school I wrote about the wrong revolt in my A-levels and got a C, I should have paid attention to the question, at university I was a mark off a first, I should have written a better essay and I would have had a first.

I set myself tough goals and never quite achieved them, although I did do incredibly well. All of this impacted on how I felt about myself and also the success I was having. I kept repeating the same pattern time and time again.

Until I gradually started to let go of some of the desire to be perfect, I almost turned it on it's head and strived to become unperfect. Firstly, through craft, I started to make jewellery and go to crafting lessons, sewing, knitting, jewellery making, all sorts. With something that is handmade it's always ever so slightly flawed, I started to embrace the imperfections.

Ironically I slightly went the other way, I'd stop setting goals, wonder around trying to find my way. All of this was part of the journey. It's a challenge when you're driven to find a way to set goals, that are realistic, that set the scene for success - when you have the perfectionist trait.

The first thing I'd like everyone to understand is that being a perfectionist is not who you are, it's a behaviour, and, if it's ok, it drives you to succeed then that's great. It's only if it's a problem that it's worth doing anything about it. It was certainly a problem for me and it's something I'm mindful of today. It did contribute to those feelings of despair because everything I did was wrong, I couldn't do anything right. In reality I wasn't looking at what I was doing in best possible way.

This especially translated into my business - again, I couldn't create the perfect course, I didn't look as amazing as those IG influencers.  This stopped me doing the things that I loved and did well.

Can you relate?  If so I want to share that it's possible to set goals, to strive to do something great with your life as long as you remember three things

1. You are absolutely always doing the best you can do at that moment.
2. Each day write down one thing that you've achieved and are grateful for because you've achieved it.
3. Take one action that takes you towards your goal each day 
4. press send or post even if that post isn't perfect
   
   and did you notice what I did there?  Yup there's 4 not 3 ways to stop being a perfectionist and - ooo a cheeky 5th
   
   Letting go of perfection doesn't mean letting go of quality, you can still provide a great service, write great posts etc!